As we forgive those that trespass against us?

It does not matter if our anger, hurt or resentment is justified, it will eventually lead to bitterness if not forgiven

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I asked the Lord what I should write my blog on this time and I felt He said ‘Bitterness’. It is not a subject that I would have normally thought of but having asked and then been given an answer, I am going to do my best to be obedient. 

Some of the words that are given in the definition of bitterness are these: showing and feeling pain or hurt; resentful; bearing a grudge, cynical. If you look at these words they can all be associated with unforgiveness.

People can hang onto bitterness and resentment for years and it does that person no good whatsoever. I knew a lady whose husband left her for someone else. She clung on to that bitterness for about 30 years, eventually visiting him regularly in his last months in a nursing home, where they became reconciled, leaving her at peace at the time of his death.

I read a story about a woman in her 90’s, who still told the story continually about her sister not giving her the dollar she needed to buy a pair of shoes, when they were younger. Every time she told it, she brought back the hurt and injustice on herself and could not let it go.

We, as Christians should have no place for bitterness in our lives. Satan loves bitterness, especially when he can influence us to hold on to it while thinking we are being righteous. It does not matter if our anger, hurt or resentment is justified, it will eventually lead to bitterness if not forgiven. We must not allow Satan to lie to us or even lie to ourselves about what we believe is our own righteous unforgiveness. There is nothing righteous about unforgiveness. The bitterness that comes from it may start small but it will take root if we let it and it will harden our hearts so that God cannot use us. We can look for other reasons, both real and imagined, why we should legitimately have this feeling towards the person that has caused us pain and with each piece of information that we accrue comes another layer of bitterness. 

Proverbs 17:22 says: A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.

In other words the joy which comes from God acts as medicine, while a broken or bitter spirit will affect the body physically. It is like a poison. It has been proven, in patients, that often those who are the most joyful, recover the quickest. In his book  ‘None of These Diseases’ Dr. McMillen points out how bitterness, can consume a man both physically and mentally. He wrote "The moment I start hating a man I become his slave. I can’t enjoy my work anymore because he even controls my thoughts. My resentments produce too many stress hormones in my body and I become fatigued after only a few hours of work. The man I hate hounds me wherever I go. I can’t escape his tyrannical grasp on my mind.”

Romans 12:18 says, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." But how do we do that? How can we make sure our initial hurt doesn’t turn into bitterness? Or when it does, how can we rid ourselves of it?

Well, firstly God requires it. In Ephesians 4:31-32 it says: Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.    

We don’t have a choice! You may not understand why the person did what he or she did but Jesus does. He suffered and died a terrible death so that we might be forgiven. He died too for whoever it was that offended you. You may feel that person does not deserve forgiveness, but do we? No, we don’t but Jesus did it anyway.

Secondly, we are called to pray for our enemies.

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In Luke 6:27-28 it says: “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." 

Instead of being bitter we have to try to pray for those who have hurt us. Our Pastor told us how he once started to pray for someone he was holding a grudge against. He said that after a short while he felt nothing but love for the person who had hurt him so badly.

We know that bitterness only harms the one who is bitter. The object of our resentment may be totally unaware of how we feel. If we let it, bitterness will depress and can get you to the point where you cannot even function normally. Edwin Markham (1852 – 1940), a great American poet learned this. When he reached the age of retirement, he found out that his banker had defrauded him out of a large sum of money. He was penniless. He became so bitter he could no longer even write poetry. He became so obsessed with wanting to get his own back on this man, that it became foremost in his mind every day and he could not function properly. He wrote that one day, in a depressed mood, he was sitting at his desk thinking about this banker who had stolen all of his money, when the Holy Spirit spoke to him and said, “Markham, if you do not deal with this thing, it is going to ruin you. You cannot afford the price you are paying. You must forgive that man.” Markham said, “Lord, I will forgive him, and I do freely forgive him.”

At that exact moment Markham said he could feel the root of bitterness being pulled out. Joy began to fill his heart, his mind became unshackled and he sat down and wrote one of his most famous poems entitled, “Outwitted.”

He drew a circle that shut me out
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout,
But love and I had the wit to win,
We drew a circle that took him in 

Bitterness usually comes about for of one of three reasons.

1. Because of what someone has said about us,
2. Because of what someone has done to us,
3. Because something has been taken from us.

Jesus talked about all three of these in His Sermon on the Mount. 

In Matthew 5:11 He says: “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.”

In Matthew 5:38-39 He says: “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.”

In Matthew 5:40 He says: “ And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well.” 

The Lord tells us clearly what we must do, however difficult it may be we have no choice but to get rid of our resentment and grudges and forgive as He forgave us. After all Jesus had every right to be bitter about the way He was treated and yet in His dying moments on the cross He said “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” How can we possibly not forgive. Let us seek the Lord so that we can truly say ‘Amen’ to the following prayer.

From pettiness and that desire
Which goads one to retaliate
With patience I would quench the fire
Of vengeance, ere it be too late
And in defeat may I cast out
The moods of envy and despair
And from my heart, Lord, I would rout
All bitterness. This is my prayer.

Lord, forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Amen.

Author: Thelma Cameron

May God bless and enrich your life

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