Life

Loving words started to sink in and I looked at life in a different way, a way that says to me ‘you are not alone, you have never been on your own’. This is when I realised that Jesus was there all along

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I chose the title for this article because life has a tendency to throw curve balls at you from all directions. The first blog I wrote, just under a year ago, was a testimony from my baptism. In the article I told my tormentors that they no longer had a hold on me, which I still stand by now, however, sometimes the demons come back to haunt me. On these occasions I am the one losing, I let them win because that is what I have always done, until I hear a voice in me that tells me I am better than that and makes me realize how far I have come. When I got baptised I did not feel any different, I still felt like the lost and very lonely little girl that I always was. Now I understand where I really was then, I was in the midst of grieving for my father but life carried on as it always does. The little girl in me was crying and roaming lost in the mist. I got swept up in this stream of life, rolling with what ever happened, frightened of losing people, like I lost my father, to the point where I pushed the person I love to the point of backing off and becoming friends, due to me being frightened of losing everything.

It is just over a year ago now that my father passed away and I feel very different, I still miss him very much but my heart hurts less and I know he is safe and I will see him again. I have gone on a journey, a journey that I am still very much on, in discovering the Lord. The more I travel on this path the more I truly believe He is my Rock, and these things had to happen and there will be a reason for it, but I do not need to know right now. However, me being me wanted to know why, and a fork in my path developed and the Lord watched me take the wrong turn, the path that I took, took me back to my dark place where I saw no point in anything anymore. I walked through each day doing the things I thought needed to be done. Everyone had backed off so I thought, here I was on my own with the exception of my mum who was also not in a good place missing her husband of 46 years.

I felt alone, like being put in the middle of a desert and there is nothing for miles and miles, just me. My worst fear had come true, or so I thought. Until Inie, Tina, Jo, Jan, Julie and Shelley (women from the church I attend) showed me that there is more to my story than I could ever see. Loving words they said started to sink in and I looked at life in a different way, a way that says to me; ‘you are not alone, you have never been on your own’. This is when I realised that Jesus was there all along, putting who I regarded as people from church, but now are friends, good friends, on my path in different ways and different stages of my life. To show me; ‘look at who is around you, look what they are doing, they are there with you caring and welcoming’. Then I firmly knew I will never be alone. Last Sunday whilst listening to the sermon at church, I started to think as the Pastor asked; ‘when was the last time you told people about Jesus?’, I suddenly realised; ‘I have found Him personally, I have found my Father, My Rock’; Psalm 18:2 ‘The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold’.

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When I first started going to church I always sat at the back where I felt safe, where I could see everyone and hoped not many people could see me. Being at the back was my home for many a month watching and listening. Until one day I got invited to do the computer/projector at the front of church, the little girl in me was shouting at me; 'No, you cannot do this, please no'. I knew I could not do this, but Inie, Shelley and Julie knew different and did not let me think about it. On church days, up the front I would go and I listened and learned. Today I now do the words with pleasure as I know that this is in Jesus's plan for me and I also know He is with me every time I do the computer. John 12:26 ‘Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me’.

My friend Jan gave me a book to read (Redeeming Love) and it is based on the book of Hosea in the Bible. The book can also be seen as a love story, but as I read it, I could not stop thinking that in some way this represents me. Like I said at the beginning; life regularly throws curve balls at you and reading the book made me think of what I have lived and put myself through and all of the dark times and losses, also about life in general and how I have survived it. I know that the voice in my head fighting the demons with me, is the Lord Jesus, who has been with me through thick and thin, rough and smooth, and I never knew it until now when I have a sense of the Lord and what He can do. Psalm 86:7 ‘When I am in distress, I call to you, because you answer me’. He has proven to me that He is there and He will not desert me; Deuteronomy 31:6 ‘Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you’.

I was recently invited to have tea and a chat with another church friend, Tina, and whilst I was there Tina said something that has stayed with me ever since. Tina said that she and her husband Gary had prayed for me and the situation I was in at the time, and the Lord replied by asking Tina to tell me that this situation happened for a reason, and that this is what had brought me to Him. Wow!! this stuck firm with me, again confirmed that I am not on my own.

So now whatever life throws at me I know that the Lord is with me and my friends are his disciples who I can have a caring relationship with, just like I can with Him; Psalm 121:7 ‘The LORD will keep you from all harm-- he will watch over your life’.

God bless.

Author: Vicki Long

May God bless and enrich your life   

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