Why Me LORD?

I’m fully aware that I love Him only because He first loved me. Something I’ll be eternally grateful for.

Thoughts About God

A couple of weeks ago I was pondering a question that caused me to write down this testimony. I didn’t intend to publish this as a blog but hope it might encourage someone to just keep going, even when you might not feel like it.

As a pastor there are times when I ask, ‘Why me LORD?’ as every decision I make seems to have ramifications for someone. Navigating what the Lord is saying whilst also hearing voices all around you giving sometimes confirming and sometimes conflicting opinions just makes it all the harder to separate what the Lords will is from what the will of others is, including my own.

In looking back over my life since becoming a Christian I can see how God had been preparing me for the time when He would call me into ministry as a pastor. Something when He did, I resisted for a while as it was not a job I wanted to do. But God has His plan for my life and I eventually had to surrender to His will, but I’m still even now surprised that He would call me of all people to such a position of responsibility and ultimate accountability.

Whilst I’m honoured and humbled that God would entrust me with such a position, there’s been times when I’ve just wanted to throw in the towel and give it all up and I find myself very often feeling that I’m in over my head and have a real sense of drowning in life’s pressures and demands and the knowledge that if I get this wrong, I’ll have to answer to Him one day as I stand before His throne and look upon His majesty. This can be a very scary and lonely place to be at times and helps me understand why up to 70% of ministers walk away from the job within the first 10 years of leaving bible college (figures taken from the Christian Standard). Something I’m sure I would have done if it hadn’t been for the fact that I know it’s a calling on my life from God.

My heart’s desire, as I’m sure every follower of Christ’s is, is to serve my King and Saviour and to bring glory to His Name and start each day wanting desperately to do that, and ending each day wondering if I did, or if not, how I could have got it so wrong. When I ponder this, it brings a real sense of wonder as I think of God’s amazing grace over my life.

There’s a song whose chorus is:

‘Oh outrageous grace, oh outrageous grace

Love unfurled by Heaven’s hand

Oh outrageous grace, oh outrageous grace

Through my Jesus I can stand.’

I know that it’s only by the grace of God that I’m still hear and still standing as there’s been times in my life when that could have so easily not been the case.

One of the ways I feel the LORD has wired me is with a pioneering spirit, something that has at times given me great success both in the business world and in my job as a pastor but has also given me times of not so much success in both of these areas, and I’m aware has also caused a lot of frustration to those around me as I seek to push forward with whatever God lays on my heart to do. Sometimes misjudging the what, how, and when of it all.

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I’m also fully aware of the strengths and weaknesses of my character, which is another reason why I’m often perplexed as to why the LORD would entrust me with the job of a pastor, but I’m also aware that God created me and knit me together in my mother’s womb and knows exactly what He’s doing, even if it is a complete mystery to me. So, I will keep pressing on, getting up when I’m knocked down, standing as firm as I can against the storms of life and trusting that Jesus will never let me go, and no doubt as my mom used to put it; continue to ‘rush in where angels fear to tread.’ I’m not afraid of going wherever God may send me, but I am afraid of getting it wrong and dishonouring Him.

What drives me though, as I’m sure with others, is my passion for Jesus and my knowledge that He gave everything for me and I need to give everything for Him whatever the cost, because He deserves nothing less than the best I have to give. So, my prayer is that I can live daily carrying my cross with a surrendered heart and life to Jesus, my King, Lord, and Saviour. 

I’m fully aware that I love Him only because He first loved me. Something I’ll be eternally grateful for.

There’s a song I sometimes sing when I feel I may have lost my way a bit and have a sense of being tossed about by the waves of doubt and fear and leaves me with the questions this song asks.

The words are these:

Why me Lord, what have I ever done

To deserve even one

Of the pleasures I've known

Tell me Lord, what did I ever do

That was worth loving you

Or the kindness you've shown.

Lord help me Jesus, I've wasted it so

Help me Jesus I know what I am

Now that I know that I've needed you so

Help me Jesus, my soul's in your hand.

Tell me Lord, if you think there's a way

I can try to repay

All I've taken from you

Maybe Lord, I can show someone else

What I've been through myself

On my way back to you.

Lord help me Jesus, I've wasted it so

Help me Jesus I know what I am

Now that I know that I've needed you so

Help me Jesus, my soul's in your hand.

I pray that God will keep me going and allow me to serve Him with all that I am for as long as I can and use me to bring glory to His Name, because that’s what He created me to do.

When all else fails and life keeps throwing those curve balls, there’s one thing I know in the deepest regions of my soul, and that’s ‘God alone is enough for me.’ And because of that I know He will help me walk in victory. After all, if God is for me, who can be against me?

Romans 8:26-31 says:  In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. 28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. 29 For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30 And those He predestined, He also called; those He called, he also justified; those He justified, He also glorified. 31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? (NIV). Amen and amen.

So, stand on His Word and keep fighting the good fight until the end, because he who stands firm to the end, will be saved. Or to put it another way 'Just keep going'.

God bless you.

Author: Anonymous

May God bless and enrich your life

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