The Eldest Son

When we realize that our value is nothing to do with who we are but all to do with how God sees us, we can stop fighting for our own worth and recognition

Source: kammbia1.wordpress.com

Recently during a prayer meeting one of the members shared a reading from Luke 15:11 onward, about the prodigal son. The parable is well known, two boys grow up in a household and then one day the younger one gets itchy feet and wants his independence. So, he asks his father for his inheritance early so he can do the things that he wanted to do. The father gives him half of all he has and then the younger son goes off. The parable tells us that he spends all the money on the wrong things and eventually returns home in disgrace thinking his father will only accept him if he becomes like one of the servants. Whilst explaining the parable, Jesus tells us that the father’s heart is so overjoyed at seeing him return that he runs out to meet him and showers him with gifts and throws a party, so great is his joy of having the boy home again.

During the prayer meeting the Lord drew me to the actions of the eldest son in the story. I am an eldest child and I’m sure most eldest children can relate to this story. Somehow you can develop a sense of responsibility to do the right thing to look after the younger to always try and give a good example. Somehow, sub-consciously, it feels like more is expected of you and you are often held responsible for the things that go wrong because ‘you should have known better than to do that’! However, in the Parable the eldest son had watched the younger receive a load of money from his father, leave home to do his own thing, leaving all the work around the home/farm firmly on the shoulders of the eldest son. The eldest son had watched the distress of the father over the time that the youngest was away and seen the effect of the worry and concern on him. There had been plenty of time and opportunity for unhealthy feelings and thoughts to spring up, take root and grow towards his younger brother while he had been working every day to support the family, to do the right thing, to be the consistent one, to shoulder the responsibility in other words to be the reliable good son. So, you can only imagine his feelings when one day he returns home after another hard day’s work and there is a party going on. A party he knows nothing about and certainly does not feel invited to, a party to celebrate the return of the very person he has come to despise and feel such resentment for. He is undoubtedly hurt beyond words, hurt so much that he would not even go into the house and join the party, instead he stayed outside nurturing his hurt and justifying his feelings.

Source: Tell the Lord Thank You

This is where the Lord really started to speak to me, showing me how easy it is to develop unhelpful and unhealthy thoughts and feelings, not only towards others in the church/world but also about how we see how God loves us. We can see new people come in and rejoice that God is blessing them but have a tinge of thought; `what about me?’ Or we see people rise to a position and secretly think; ‘I wish someone would notice me’, or the most destructive one of all is if someone has hurt you or done something against you and they act as though they are not effected and in some cases, they even prospering or grow. Then the hurt and resentment really kicks in and all the feelings about; ‘hey I`ve been faithful, I’ve done the right thing, why are they doing ok and I`m having to deal with all these horrible upsetting feelings’? ‘Why are they being celebrated and not punished’. If left un-dealt with these thoughts and feelings consume us and we can become just like the eldest son in the Parable. We are left standing on the outside of the house refusing to go in even though we are being pleaded with to join the family in the celebration, and benefit from the feast. The Lord showed me that if we choose to stay there and not deal with these things then in the end we will be so consumed it will affect everything. Even the eldest son’s relationship with his father was affected. He made it personal; Luke 15:29 ‘you never gave me even a young goat to celebrate with my friends’ in other words ‘you never noticed me, I worked hard and you never recognized me I remained faithful to you but where is my reward’. It brought to mind times in my life when I had thought these types of things, where I had felt un-valued and not seen. I remembered how destructive these thoughts had been and how they had affected my walk with the Lord and I thought how easily it would be to go down that path again.

So, I asked the Lord; ‘how can I avoid and resist these thoughts and feelings when they arise’? He showed me the heart of the Father in the Parable. When the Father learned how upset the eldest son was he didn’t demand that he come to him, the father went to where the son was and he pleaded, yes pleaded, with him to come into the party. The father could have demanded the son come to him, he could have thought ‘actually, if he is going to behave so childishly and arrogantly, he can stay where he is, who does he think he is behaving like this?’ Instead, the father didn’t do that he went to where the son was and reasoned with him. I pondered on how often the Lord has graciously come to where I am and pleaded with me to come to him to come to the party to join in the blessing and abandon my selfish and resentful thoughts. However, even then the eldest son still railed against the father `you never did this for me you never did that for me, but this son who had done so much wrong and disrespected you is welcomed and celebrated, What about that!’ Boy, could I relate to some of these thoughts and feelings.

But then the Lord quietened me with just a few words which was the response of the Father; Luke 15:31 ‘My son you are always with me and everything I have is yours’. We need to stop and think what that really means. When we realize that our value is nothing to do with who we are but all to do with how God sees us, we can stop fighting for our own worth and recognition. The love of the father is demonstrated so wonderfully in those words; ‘my son you will never be separated from me I want you with me always, I value your presence that much and all I have; my love, my salvation, my protection, my plan and my purpose, my provision, my joy, my forgiveness, my blessing, my grace, my care and my compassion, is yours….. is yours already! It does not have to be earned or bargained for but its yours already just because you are my son’.

The eldest son reacted the way he did because in a moment of time he felt completely insecure and un-valued, the value he had placed in what he had been doing for the Father seemed to diminish in a second when he saw how the youngest son was being treated. If my self-value is only based on what I can do for God or achieve for Him or what standing I appear to have in the church etc. then it can be diminished in a moment. However, if my security/value lies in the way God values me; which he has shown to me by sending His only beloved son to die for me, then nothing can diminish that. Therefore, resentment and all the other unhealthy thoughts, feelings and often actions cannot find a place to grow because I know that the Father has said; ‘my son/daughter you are always with me and all that I have is yours’, this enables us to celebrate in all circumstances and enjoy the many parties God wants to throw for us and for others and we need never feel we have to stand outside again.

Author: Jan Pearson

May God bless and enrich your life

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