From Darkness to Light

When all hope seems lost, when things seems impossible, when life is just too difficult, then turn it all over to Jesus. There is nothing that He cannot resolve

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I grew up in a Christian family, attending my local Sunday School with my sister and brother. However unfortunately, I do not remember too much of my childhood, but I knew in my heart that God was around me. My school days were not a happy time for me due to the dreaded bullies and nasty words which stuck with me for a very long time. When I think about those times now, I realise that I kept a lot of it to myself, not telling my parents as I did not want to burden them with my troubles. I now realise however that this was my downfall; not talking; keeping my mouth shut, and at 29 I had a complete breakdown. As you can imagine this was a particularly challenging time. I refused to leave the safety of my home, my safe place, not wanting to look at people, saying to myself 'If people cannot see me then they won't say anything bad.' Thankfully, after quite a few sessions with three different counsellors I managed to undo some very big knots, and I learned and developed a few techniques to help me.

Through all of this turmoil I had a sense of Jesus being with me, knowing that I had to deal with my anxiety in a way He wanted me to. I knew Jesus would not leave me, but sometimes I felt very alone to the point where I became lost in my despair. I reached for an end to it and taking a knife from its holder was what I thought was the answer. This is the point where I heard my mother’s voice in my head saying; 'suicide is a chicken’s way out', which momentarily stopped me, and I thought of the people I would be leaving behind. In that very moment I thought to myself that I should keep going but realised that I needed a hand. This I got from my family and a true family friend who got me out of my safe place and into the world I did not like. Eventually I got back to a way of thinking I could manage and settled into a job and life.

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Recently when I lost my father and our family dog, whom I went through a lot of tough times with, I hit my limit again, but not to the extreme of last time. This was for two reasons:

Reason one -  I found that Jesus has put things in me, on my life's path that I took up and stored away for just these occasions, saying to me that I was not alone and that I would never be alone again, He was always here with me; Hebrews 13:5 ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you'.

Reason two - Jesus put me in the hands of my boyfriend Phil, who has taken me on a journey that has, and is, opening my eyes to the things I have missed out on due to me allowing my demons at the forefront of my life. Ephesians 1:18 ‘I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people’.

I have learnt from going to MCF Life Church with Phil and his Sister Juliet to leave the past where it belongs; in the past, and to look forward, to forgive my tormentors, which took me a long time to do, however recently I have achieved this again by talking with Phil and working it out. Today is a new start for me and my family, we have just moved from Worcestershire into Warwickshire and we are now turning to a fresh new page in our life book. 

When all hope seems lost, when things seems impossible, when life is just too difficult, then turn it all over to Jesus. There is nothing that He cannot resolve. Jeremiah 32:27 ‘I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?’ Praise God. If you are in a dark place at the moment, then do not despair, even though it might not seem like it now, there is a solution, there is an answer and there is hope. If you do not know Jesus then call on Him, He will hear your prayers. If you know someone who knows Jesus, then ask them to pray with you. My testimony show that Jesus turned my life around and He can do the same for you too.  Be blessed.

Hebrews 13:6 ‘So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?’

Author: Vicki Long

May God bless and enrich your life

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